i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
