I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
