You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
