Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The best revenge is premature balding
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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