Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
