he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
