You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
