I just saw a hot homeless man
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
