one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
