My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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