it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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