the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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