Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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