I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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