Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
