Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize