That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
