Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
