Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
