i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
