Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize