i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
