there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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