If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
