apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
