If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
