im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
