I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
