yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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