I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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