Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
