We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
