I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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