i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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