the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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