Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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