this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
