Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
