He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
dude. I can hear the air.
Pooping to opera.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
