I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
