Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
