Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
