definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
