Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
