12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
