ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
