I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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