Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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