guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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