Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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