so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When did angry sex become our thing?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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