If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
