Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize