someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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