Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
