Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize