Someone shit on the floor
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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