how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
