Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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