Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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