Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
