Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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