i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
