apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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