She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
