let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
