Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
