Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
