Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
