I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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