i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
