I hate your face
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
