she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
