I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize