dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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